I seriously miss the Philippines, in a way that I couldn’t have predicted before I went on vacation just 4 weeks ago. Usually when I go on vacation I have a great time but I always want to go back home sooner or later and I usually am anticipating going home to America. This time around? I had absolutely no desire to return home whatsoever. Maybe part of it was the fact that I had fucking nursing school and immediate studying/reading to do, but even more so because I knew I was going to miss my family and the culture in the Philippines.

In the Philippines, despite the fact that I was technically an outsider being an American, I always felt at home. In the Philippines I can walk out our door and in ten seconds I’m surrounded by people who have nothing but love for each other, that Filipino hospitality. I can literally walk into my neighbor’s house, sit down, and just start watching TV with them. Everyone is always asking if you’ve already eaten and offering you a plate of food. I miss chilling with my family and just talking about whatever was on the mind at the moment. I miss watching cartoons with my little niece! I don’t think I’ll ever be able to watch Adventure Time, The Amazing World of Gumball, Regular Show, Spongebob, etc. without thinking of her. I seriously teared up and almost cried in front her a few times on that last day because I was thinking of how much I was going to miss her. I miss seeing all of my family and going out with them to just do whatever. The Philippines was just… amazing and I can’t wait to go back.

Don’t get me wrong, I love America, but the vibe of both countries could not be more different. America is so spread out and I feel like nobody really gives a fuck about anybody else except themselves. Like… I don’t know any of my neighbors at all. Can you imagine what would happen if I just walked into my neighbors house and started watching their TV or eating their food? I’d either get arrested or shot lol. Another thing is that I don’t have much family here in America that are close by. I only have my two first cousins that are like 8 minutes away, but that’s it. I miss having family that are literally 30 seconds away. When we were in the PI I slept in a room with my parents, cousin, and brother in it. My first night back in America I woke up at like 3 AM and I remember just feeling so damn lonely sitting there in my cold, dark room. That pretty much encapsulated how I feel about America as a whole right now in comparison to the Philippines: cold, dark, and separated, I never feel like I’m living in a community.

I think part of my longing for the Philippines just has to do with the fact that I’m a lot older than I was the first couple of times I went there. I went there when I was 4, 9, 13, and 16 (and at 16 I only went back because my grandpa died, so it wasn’t a happy time to say the least). I was pretty young and couldn’t fully appreciate/understand how special it was to go back to the Philippines. Now that I’m older and I feel the weight of just LIFE on my shoulders, I realize how precious it is to spend time with your family and friends because you don’t get to do it as often as you’d like or want to. I hope I get to go back to the Philippines sooner than later. I don’t want to have to wait another 8 years before I get to go back.

As I said before, when I was younger there was always a point during my stay in the Philippines when I always wanted to go back “home” to America, but now? I can’t wait to go back HOME to the Philippines. =’)

This is my super adorable/smart little niece Iyah! I’ve bonded with her a lot during this vacation. She’s only six years old so she wasn’t even born yet the last time I was in the Philippines!

I think the reason I’ve become so attached to her is that I always wanted a little sister to look out for, but - as you may know - I’m the youngest child in my family. She also just really reminds me a lot of my younger self. Extremely shy, but still carefree, innocent, and silly. We watch cartoons together all the time (Adventure Time, Regular Show, The Amazing World of Gumball, Fairly Oddparents, and Spongebob! Adventure Time is her favorite though) and we’ll just play around and make jokes. She’s started to imitate my sarcasm since she always hears me feign excitement whenever everyone else watches Filipino soap operas (“This is fantasticccccccc” lol). She also really loves school! She was obviously on winter break when I got here but had to go back to school last Monday. I go “kawawa naman, Iyah has school tomorrow” and she says to me “No! I want to go to school!” LOL. So adorable!

When I was eating dinner one night with my mom and Auntie Del I found out that Iyah is kind of an outcast on our block because she goes to a private school and her mom (my Ate Joma) doesn’t really let her out in the neighborhood to play with the other kids (which, again, reminded me of my own upbringing). That made me pretty sad because she’s such a great kid and I hate to think that she’s not getting the full “kid” experience. Also reminds me that there was a friend of Iyah’s I met named Cassandra who is mute. She’s six years old but for some reason she hasn’t developed speaking in any capacity (she understands perfectly fine, but just can’t speak). It just pissed me off to think that she might be ostracized just because she can’t talk because she’s such a sweet little girl. Damn this cruel, cold world of ours. I just wish I could be there to protect them and let them know they shouldn’t let others make them feel bad because they’re already great!

Anyhow, Iyah is such an amazing kid and even though I know she’s young, I know that she’ll grow up to be successful AND a great person at heart. I’m going to miss her dearly when I leave!

I had this really weird dream where I was literally living in a gritty TV drama like Breaking Bad or Boardwalk Empire or something lol. It was like a TV show, but my real life, I don’t know how to explain it better. Like I knew it was a show that people were watching, but it was my actual life that I was living (which I guess sounds like a reality show? But I knew there were definitive seasons and story arcs going on, oh whatever…). I would alternate between playing the main character and just watching the show from a third person perspective. Christoph Waltz, Gerard Depardieu, the guy who played Merle in The Walking Dead, the guy who played the Frenchman in Inglourious Basterds, and for some strange reason Jennifer Aniston (????) were all there, and I’m sure there were others that I don’t remember. Christoph and Jennifer Aniston were on my side and by the time I woke up I was at the end of season three where my top hitman - played by Christoph Waltz - got shot in the head and Merle, Gerard Depardieu, and the French guy were now taking control of the mob from me and my guys. I have to say, it was a damn compelling drama, I wish I remembered more of the details LOL. My dreams have been getting more fucked up and esoteric as the nights pass >_>

It’s been such an enjoyable vacation and winter break. All I’ve been doing is getting fat as hell off Filipino food, watching cartoons with my niece, watching movies, reading books, drinking, going places, and relaxing. I hate the fact that I have literally a few days to go from doing whatever the fuck I want to having school responsibilities again (not to mention having to adjust to jetlag, ugh…). I mean I’ve heard this semester is relatively chill in the grand scheme of this program, but I have a feeling that it’ll be kicking my ass two weeks into the damn thing. Oh well, I’ll adjust. I was looking at some of my old blogs and laughing at myself for saying it was difficult back then when in reality that was easy, peasy lemon squeezy in comparison to what I’ve had to do since then. Hard to believe that two years ago I found out I was accepted into USF and about to start and only a year ago I was about to get into my first REAL semester of the nursing program. Time sure does fly… I’m still just trying to take it all in and live in each moment. Everything I’ve always wanted is within my reach, all I have to do is take it.

We always get to this point in our family vacations: the fight. I almost started laughing out loud in the middle of it but I realized how inappropriate it would be. So basically on every vacation since the beginning of time there comes a point where my parents and my brother get into a big fight and my brother says “Well, next time I’m not gonna go!” And I was THIS close to busting out laughing because inevitably he always goes on vacation with us and I have no fucking clue why since we “irritate” him so much. Hearing him say those words was almost like hearing a comically bad line of cliched dialogue in a movie. Like “Wow, I’ve heard this a hundred times before, can we hear something new?”

I think I’ve written about my relationship with my brother on here before and I don’t really want to get too deep into it again. The way I handled his bullshit over the years was eventually to just avoid him. I can handle him in small doses, but if I’m around him too long then it’s only a matter of time before he pisses me off. So instead of putting myself through unnecessary stress and grief, I just say fuck it and let it be. I used to be an angry person, but over time I learned to just let go of my anger or channel it more efficiently. I thought he was getting better for a while, but my brother is who he is and he will never change. I learned to accept the fact that he’s a lost cause a long time ago. Maybe that sounds fucked up and sad, but it’s the honest truth.

Yesterday at midnight my little six year old niece was telling me to stay up and watch cartoons with her instead of going to sleep. After pleading with me for about 5 minutes I eventually went to sleep. Choosing sleep over staying up to watch cartoons has made me realize: damn I’m getting old!

So we were at Mall of Asia and were trying to go see a movie. We had our little six year old niece with us and they didn’t think we’d be able to bring her into either movie we were trying to see. The two options were El Presidente and One More Try which were both rated “R-13” (which I suppose means restricted to anyone under 13). We asked if we could take her in to see either movie and they said okay to El Presidente because that had violence but they wouldn’t let her in to One More Try because it had a “love scene” and I was like “Okay… so what you’re saying is, a guy getting his head blown off by a shotgun is cool, but a love scene? WHOA! That’s crossing the line!” The logic is ridiculous!

I think I’ve made a post about parents/guardians and letting kids watch “inappropriate” movies before. Personally I think it’s up to each parent/guardian to determine whether or not their kid is mature enough to watch the content at hand. My parents let me watch Terminator 2 when I was freakin’ 3 years old and let me rewatch the VHS of it multiple times when I was a kid and I turned out fine (okay, semi-fine lol). I think that if your child can understand the difference between a movie and real life that they should be fine. They just need to understand that a movie is fake and not to be imitated, once they are aware of that they’re good to go. And it’s also specific to the content of the movie (which I’m aware that if you’ve never seen the film, you won’t exactly know how hardcore it is or whether it’s appropriate or not), because I definitely wouldn’t let my kids watch Saw or some shit like that at 6 years old (then again, I personally wouldn’t let them watch Saw just because it’s a terrible movie lol, well the first was all right, but the rest were crap). Anyways, I’m rambling here. Rant over!

So I just found out this morning that three people were gunned down in Kawit, Cavite City (our hometown where we’re staying) not 15 minutes away from where I’m at right now 0_o. Maybe I should start dressing down or something >_>

Day 2 in the Philippines! Went to church and visited my grandpa’s grave today. Eight years since the last time I’ve been here when we came for his funeral. I often think about my grandpa and what I would say to him if I had the chance. Questions I never got to ask or advice I’d like to ask him. If it wasn’t for him I literally wouldn’t be the person I am now because he taught me a lot about life and he was even the person who introduced me to basketball haha. I miss him dearly, but I know he’s in a better place now and I hope I’m making him proud.

I’m in the Philippines! It’s 11:30 AM on 12/29/12 over here and like 7:30 PM on 12/28/12 back home haha. I’M IN THE FUTURE! I’ve only been here like 6 hours and all we’ve done is catch up with relatives and go to Jollibee haha. Hot and humid as a motherfucker out here lol. I haven’t seen a lot of my cousins and what not yet because they’re all working right now (oh how 8 years can change things). 23 more days to go though! Plenty of time to get around and catch up with everyone. Alden is getting it six ways to Sunday about this girl he was hella friendly with 8 years ago when we were last here lmfao. I need to post some of the shit people have said so far, fucking hilarioussss!

Jet lag is starting to catch up to me right now. I tried to play it smart and sleep for the latter half of the flight since I knew we were arriving at 5:30 AM (we actually arrived an hour late at 6:30 AM). They had movies on the plane and I was psyched to watch some since my brother said they had some recent releases, but I was completely crushed when I learned that all the movies were in the devil approved FULL SCREEN ratio as well as “edited for content.” So I had to settle for watching movies that I was interested in seeing, but not all that worried about not getting the full experience (or movies I might watch again). So I ended up watching The Amazing Spiderman, Expendables 2, Analyze That, and Premium Rush. It was self-fulfilling prophecy with The Amazing Spiderman, I thought it was pretty “meh”. Expendables 2 was pretty fun. Analyze That was better than I thought it’d be since I heard it wasn’t as good as Analyze This. Premium Rush was just okay, definitely better than it had any right to be.

Okay I’m super duper sleepy and it’s ridiculously humid. I’m going to try to take a nap…

In case you haven’t noticed, yes, I am pumping out movie reviews like there’s no tomorrow lol. I have a ton of them in my drafts section and I told myself I would finish writing them before I left for the Philippines, which is now a mere three days away!

The way we’re all going to the Philippines is kind of weird. My brother is leaving on Christmas Eve (which means he’ll essentially miss Christmas altogether because by the time he lands it’ll be 12/26 >_>), my mom and I are leaving two days after Christmas, and my dad is leaving on the 29th. Found out that my Auntie and little cousin aren’t going =(. I know that my Auntie has something against going back to the Philipines, she only went back 8 years ago because our grandpa passed away and she promised she’d go back for him. My Uncle and older cousin are going though and they’re flying with my Mom and I. I have no idea how my older cousin pulled three weeks vacation AS A NEW HIRE at a hospital lmfao. He was telling me “I don’t know if they meant ‘yeah you can go’ or ‘yeah you can go, but don’t bother coming back.’” LOL, but my Auntie said it was legit. I’m glad he’s going because we all haven’t spent as much time together due to our conflicting schedules of school and work. 

I’m seriously excited for this trip! Not looking forward to the humidity or hot weather, but I am looking forward to being back in the homeland and seeing all my relatives again. The only downside is that I’m going to miss the Blu-ray release of Looper on 12/31 and Gangster Squad when it comes out on January 11th haha. That’s okay, those movies will still be here when I get back. I really need to start packing…

SWEET SWEET FREEDOMMMMM!!!

I don’t think I did too hot on my last two finals lol. I think I passed both (hopefully lmfao), but I feel like I should’ve been studying for those finals like 2 weeks ago. I just hope I hold onto my grades haha. As cliche as it sounds, this semester really went by in a flash. I feel like it was last week that I was worried about this semester due to my knee injury and now it’s done! And I’m over 5 months post-op now, crazy how time flies. I know the Spring 2013 semester will come even quicker, so I’m definitely trying to take advantage of this break.

I only have 15 more days until I leave for the Philippines and I don’t come back until January 20th (2 days before school starts again, EEP!). So I’m definitely trying to cram in as many movies, TV shows, comics, and books as I can in that span, as well as catch up with some old friends. Must use this leisurely time wisely! No time to spare on being unproductive (and by unproductive I mean not watching or reading or catching up with folk haha). I’m kind of torn on what I want to do because I don’t really want to spend time in the Philippines watching movies when I could be doing that at home haha. That’s just a waste of a vacation. 

For now I’m just basking in this stress free winter break and ready to wash away the stress and troubles of a hectic semester. I’m definitely going to be writing A LOT more on here now that I don’t have nursing school hanging over my head (still have a ton of reviews that I need to finish). If you’re still in school like me, hope you all do well on your finals and have a great break!

What a day, what a motherfuckin’ day lol.

Okay, today wasn’t that bad, but I was stressing a lot for a week that includes no midterms or quizzes. I had a skills check off, assessment and nutrition hw, and an assessment presentation to prepare for. Passed my skills check off, BS’ed my assessment and nutrition hw, and I feel for the most part prepared for my presentation tomorrow. Good to know I can still get it in when I need to lol. 

My grandma also left for the Philippines tonight. I won’t be seeing her for over two months and I’m really going to miss her. I’m going back to the Philippines for the first time since we went back when my grandpa passed away 8 years ago. We’re leaving the day after Christmas and not coming back until January 20. It honestly doesn’t feel like it was that long ago, the last time we went to the PI, but man it really has been 8 years. Scary how quickly time passes…

So we’re at the house of my dad’s old classmate somewhere here in Washington and mannnnnn I wish we could’ve stayed here because this place is fuckin’ CASH hahaha. When we pulled up to their house I was like “This is their house???” Their entertainment set up is so BOSS. Flat screen TV hanging off the wall, surround sound, Blu-ray, comfy couches… I’m watching The Grey right now and I noticed he rented it from Redbox. When the movie starts up and I see it’s in Blu-ray I’m just thinking “they’re so rich they rent Blu-ray movies from Redbox!” LOL. I really wish we could’ve stayed here a few days, I would’ve loved to have just sat here and watched a ton of movies haha.

Hello! Believe it or not I am currently in Washington! I was a little hesitant to go at first due to my busted knee but I think this trip has helped pick up my spirits. This is only our second day here and we’re mostly visiting family. I definitely feel a lot better after being cooped up in my room for about nine straight days. I’m actually using my cousin’s iPad and typing is cumbersome so I’ll leave it at that and say I hope everyone out there on Tumblr is having a great week!