Chris Webber breaks down the ice cream couple! Hilarious!
MY 10,000TH POST ON TUMBLR!!! Oh what a joy it has been these past four years, so much time wasted LOL j/k you know I love you Tumblr. Anyways, for my 10,000th post I thought I’d shared something extremely personal to me. Those of you who have followed me throughout the years may know I love The Simpsons, how Harry Potter is my life haha, that Kristen Stewart is my fiancee, the MOVIES I love, what kind of music I listen to, etc. but I don’t get all that personal on here. I do from time to time but for the most part I just like keeping some parts of my life private (no need to put everything out there, you know?). However, this is a special occasion and I’d been meaning to put up this song for a while now and now seems like the right moment.
A friend’s recent similar scenario reminded me of this down time in 2012 for me. I pretty much never write songs anymore, but at the time I felt it would be good to put my feelings down on pen and paper and record it. It’s probably the most personal song I’ve ever made and you can hear it just by the inflection of my voice how fresh the pain was. I’m going to share it now because A) I’m far removed from that moment in my life and I’m perfectly fine now (honest!) and B) only like 3 people who know me in real life and what actually happened follow my blog lol.
I wanted to post this song last year, but never found the courage to. So here’s what I wrote this past summer to accompany this track:
“I haven’t felt the urge to actually write a song in a long time. Obviously this song is very personal to me because it explains to a lot of the things that I’ve been going through lately. It’s just really disheartening when you really like someone and you think there’s something there, only to be utterly crushed when you have to find shit out from other people and realize they didn’t even have the courage to say it to your face. I put my heart out there and I got hurt, but it’s not going to stop me from opening up in the future, maybe just a bit more cautiously. Now that the summer’s here and I don’t have nursing school to keep me busy and distracted, it’s all I can seem to think about nowadays. And even when I do keep myself busy and keep my mind off of her, when I lay down to sleep at night and I’m alone with my thoughts these are the things that run through my mind.”
In addition to that above, I also ended up tearing my ACL and meniscus like… a few weeks later and I literally had to just sit in bed and torture myself with those thoughts for months on end. Needless to say, last summer REALLY sucked for me lol.
And if you’re curious as to what instrumental this is, I recorded this over Childish Gambino’s song “So Fly” off his Culdesac album, which is an amazing song that you should listen to and I hope I didn’t ruin it by recording this over his beat hahah.
The audio recording of this song is less than perfect to say the least haha, I had to record it through my laptop mic since it’s been a LONG time since I’ve had access to an actual recording studio for music. So I’ve put up the lyrics for the song after the “read more” break.
I realize that this kind of a downer post to make my 10,000th post haha, but I really see it as a new beginning and letting go of that portion of my life. I just want all my followers to know that no matter how long you’ve been following me for - a month, a year, since the beginning - thank you for reading, liking, and reblogging because it truly does warm my heart!
If any of you have read the book or seen the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower then you’ll know that the protagonist, Charlie, writes letters to an anonymous friend about his life. This Tumblr is basically that anonymous friend, but instead you’re writing to Charlie. I can’t bring myself to follow this blogs just because they make so many posts (I try not to follow people who make like 30 posts a day), but I’ve saved the url to browse from time to time to read other people’s stories. If you have some time check it out and read some stories.
—by Jorge Luis Borges
After a while you learn the subtle difference
Between holding a hand and chaining a soul,
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
And company doesn’t mean security.
And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts
And presents aren’t promises,
And you begin to accept your defeats
With your head up and your eyes open
With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child,
And you learn to build all your roads on today
Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans
And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight.
After a while you learn…
That even sunshine burns if you get too much.
So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul,
Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers.
And you learn that you really can endure…
That you really are strong
And you really do have worth…
And you learn and learn…
With every good-bye you learn.
I’ve never been one to hold a grudge. Ask anybody, I’m a happy-go-lucky guy most of the time. I try to keep things fun and light in tone even as everyone else is freaking out about life and all that comes with it (don’t get me wrong, I’m freaking out too but I try not to freak out too much lol). Even if someone wrongs me I usually just say fuck it and let it go. I don’t hold onto the wrongs done unto me and load them in a clip to unleash on someone at a future date. I know a lot of people who do that, they start citing and referencing past mistakes you’ve made that you never knew was still a big deal to them in order to make you feel guilty. I don’t feel like this person I’m referencing right now deserves a second chance… as a matter of fact, most people I have talked to about the situation have told me to just tell this person to fuck off. Nevertheless, it just doesn’t feel like “me” to give the cold shoulder or blow up on this person that probably doesn’t even know what they did. Right now I’m just trying to do what I always do which is be the bigger man, but even that feels a little false sometimes. Things have gotten a little better with time and I’m hoping that I can move past it. We’ll see…
Sometimes I like to imagine a When Harry Met Sally type situation where you meet someone you once knew years down the road, reconnect, and fall in love. Maybe that’s just wishful thinking…
So, for example, say you like this guy and he has a certain thing about him that you’re not particularly fond of. Let’s say you like guys that are smart and this guy just happens to not be the brightest crayon in the box..but you decide to date him anyways. So, you make an exception. Or are you…
I don’t think it’s necessarily “settling” when you say you want certain characteristics or qualities in a significant other and then the person you like doesn’t have them. I think that we form this set of criteria that we think would be ideal, but the fact of the matter is that when you start to like someone, that little list of things you’d want goes right out the window. Finding the right person is not about someone perfectly fitting into this list that you’ve created, it’s about finding someone you feel perfectly fits with you regardless of whether or not they actually fit every little standard you originally thought you wanted.
so thinking about things. love. relationships. and I’ve learned that it’s very unhealthy to think that because one love suffers, there will be no others. yet you can easily reach that mentality, especially when you’ve put so much time and effort into the relationship itself. and you think in the…
“If someone wants to be part of your life, they’ll be there. So don’t bother saving a spot for someone who won’t make an effort to stay.” - Michael Cera
I don’t think I ever truly understood this quote until some things happened in my life recently. I used to always think this quote was somewhat ironic because how can you expect someone to make an effort to stay if you don’t bother to make an effort to reach out and stay in their lives? Now I realize that sometimes you try your hardest and you try to be there for some people who just won’t reciprocate. It just doesn’t make sense to get hung up on people who don’t care about you or aren’t willing to make an effort when you’re trying so damn hard. And I don’t want to guilt trip or force someone to stay in my life, I want them to also make some effort on their own, just so I know that I mean something to them. I guess I see where I stand now though =/
Tired of this feeling sorry for myself shit. I need to just pick myself up, dust myself off, and focus on me. Can’t be worrying about shit I have no control over. Ready to rededicate myself to life and remind myself of all the good things still in my life.
Are you ready to go?
“Mom, listen, I haven’t been together with Topanga for 22 years, but we have been together for 16. That’s a lot longer than most couples have been together. I mean, when we were born, you told me that we used to take walks in our strollers together around the block. When we were two, we were best friends. I mean, I knew everything about this girl. I knew her favorite color, her favorite food. Then we became six, Eric made fun of me because it wasn’t cool to have a best friend that was a girl or even know a girl. So for the next seven years I threw dirt at her. I like to call those “the lost years”. Then when I was thirteen, mom, she put me up against my locker and she kissed me. I mean, she gave me my first kiss. She taught me how to dance. She always was talking about these crazy things and I never understood a word she said. All I understood was that she was the girl I sat up every night thinking about, and when I’m with her, I feel happy to be alive. Like I can do anything. Even talking to you like this. So that’s, that’s what I think is love, mom. When I’m better because she’s here.” - Cory Matthews, Boy Meets World
I would re-blog this a million times if I could.
So I’m at school super early as I usually am on Mondays. I was planning on walking around campus but my ankles and knees are KILLING ME after running hard for over an hour straight yesterday. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions the past 24 hours. I don’t even know what to think anymore. Even as I saw a lot of my fears manifest in that short amount of time, by the time I went to sleep I felt… slightly hopeful? At the same time I’m just keeping my guard up. I feel a lot more cautious, because yesterday really sucked. I’m not sure how many more days like that I can handle. April started off so promising but I’m ending it on such a down note. Here’s to hoping that April showers really do bring May flowers. Have a good day everybody.
My past. I feel like I made a lot mistakes in my past and not necessarily ones you’d ordinarily think of when it comes to just being young. I was just kind of nonexistent for so many years. I had my little bubble area of comfort and I refused to move out from it. I think this hindered a lot of my relationships with friends because I just wasn’t up for trying anything new. I don’t regret it because it’s made me the person I am today and I’ve learned so much from the mistakes I’ve made. I’m just determined to not let them happen again and not to get myself back into that mode of just isolating myself from others.
I’ve been having too many off days recently and I feel like a lot of it has been self-inflicted. It’s confusing because I’ll say to myself “Okay, you’re NOT going to do this” and I end up doing it anyways and hating myself for it later. I just think too damn much and always expect the worst so I’ll never be disappointed, even though I’ve been saying to myself that that’s no way to really live. I feel like I keep going to extremes where I’ll care too much or I’ll try to not care at all in order to avoid being hurt. I need to stop thinking so much… I keep hearing that from everyone else and I keep saying it to myself as well, but it’s difficult for me. I think it’s just the way I was hardwired. I’m trying though, I’m trying my best but I come up short sometimes. I need to stop focusing on the negative and get that out of my system. “Go with the flow, think positively, and eliminate negativity,” the three pieces of advice from my “doctor” haha. I think it’s on point though and I’m going to try my best to integrate it into my day to day life. I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the past year and a half but some things just stay with you. Let’s see if I can change that.
“I refuse to go back to not liking who I was”