It sucks how you gain so much clarity after the fact. I suppose the hours and days that amass give us ample time to pick apart our previous actions and failures; quite simply, it’s easier to critique with hindsight. Despite this, I honestly can’t say that I regret any decisions I’ve made in my life because everything that has come before has made me into the person I am today. I think I’m also starting to see how little things I did in the past were extremely coincidental and happened to lead me to where I am today. Maybe I should focus on those little miracles instead of pondering what cannot be undone. I guess sometimes late at night you can’t help but think and wonder to yourself though…
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But what is the sense in forever speculating what might have happened had such and such a moment turned out differently? One could presumably drive oneself to distraction in this way. In any case, while it is all very well to talk of ‘turning points’, one can surely only recognize such moments in retrospect. Naturally, when one looks back on such instances today, they may indeed take the appearance of being crucial, precious moments in one’s life; but of course, at the time, this was not the impression one had. Rather, it was as though one had available a never-ending number of days, months, years in which to sort out the vagaries of one’s relationship; an infinite number of further opportunities in which to remedy the effect of this or that misunderstanding. There was surely nothing to indicate at the time that such evidently small incidents would render whole dreams forever irredeemable.
