I’ve been having too many off days recently and I feel like a lot of it has been self-inflicted. It’s confusing because I’ll say to myself “Okay, you’re NOT going to do this” and I end up doing it anyways and hating myself for it later. I just think too damn much and always expect the worst so I’ll never be disappointed, even though I’ve been saying to myself that that’s no way to really live. I feel like I keep going to extremes where I’ll care too much or I’ll try to not care at all in order to avoid being hurt. I need to stop thinking so much… I keep hearing that from everyone else and I keep saying it to myself as well, but it’s difficult for me. I think it’s just the way I was hardwired. I’m trying though, I’m trying my best but I come up short sometimes. I need to stop focusing on the negative and get that out of my system. “Go with the flow, think positively, and eliminate negativity,” the three pieces of advice from my “doctor” haha. I think it’s on point though and I’m going to try my best to integrate it into my day to day life. I feel like I’ve changed a lot in the past year and a half but some things just stay with you. Let’s see if I can change that.
“I refuse to go back to not liking who I was”