Once again my subconscious keeps fucking with my mind…

I had a dream that one of my good friends died and when one of my friends broke the news to me I threw up and was in complete hysterics. And afterwards… I’m not sure what I was doing, but people kept asking me “what are you looking for?” like “why is this such a big deal to you?” When I woke up I was literally shaking and it took me a minute to convince myself that it was all a dream and none of it was real.

I just started thinking to myself how I wasn’t going to let it get to that. I wasn’t going to let my life need a “wake up call” or have something tragic happen for me to really start understanding just how precious life is. Every single second, every blink of an eye, every breath of air, everything single thing I am able to do, I can’t take that for granted. I mean maybe we’ll hit some bumps in the road, maybe we’ll have some real problems, but just the fact that I’m alive is a blessing and something to cherish as a true miracle.

The timing of this dream is quite remarkable as well. I’ve seen several shows and movies that made me ponder the way I view and live life like 50/50 and Angel Beats (now that I think about it in full context of my dream, that last one is quite ironic lol). Maybe I need a reminder like this dream every now and then, but it’s not as if I don’t appreciate the life that I have. I know that I’m very lucky and blessed to have such a supportive family and amazing friends. I go to a great school and the future looks bright. And let’s go down to the basics here, let’s even take it to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs. I’m blessed to have a roof over my head and a plentiful amount of food to eat. How about the fact that I’m even breathing right now, isn’t that alone something to celebrate? To quote Kevin Spacey from American Beauty, “there’s just so much beauty in the world.” I can’t help but think of all the beauty in this world that I don’t see or appreciate when I do happen upon it. Maybe I just need to look at things from a different perspective. It’s easy to say “don’t take things for granted,” but I think that most people still do. I think that if you try your hardest and handle every aspect of your life with love, you won’t regret anything you do.

I posted just this quote up yesterday, but it’s so damn true and relevant right now that I’m going to end this post with it.

“Death is so terribly final, while life is full of possibilities.”