The last time I cried was like… a month ago when I started looking up really sad movie clips on YouTube. I’m not sure why I started doing that. Some of the clips I looked at were from Road to Perdition, Little Children, and A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints. If you’ve seen those movies, you probably know which moments the waterworks start flowing lol.

The last time I legitimately cried due to emotions not from a book, movie, etc.? It’s been a while to say the least… Maybe my grandpa’s funeral way back in ‘04. Yeah…

Had a good talk with Dano last night over some Coronas and tried to work out my thoughts/feelings on the present/future. I just keep thinking over scenarios in my head of what I should do, but no real answer ever comes to me. 

It’s weird how you can think you feel so strongly for someone but end up feeling ambivalent in the end. It’s never been… easy for me to express myself when it comes to my emotions. If we’re talking about movies or something I could go on and on and on, but once we start getting personal I always don’t know what to say. The words just do not come to me and I tend to bottle up. It’s not that I don’t trust certain people in my life, but I just always wonder if I did speak up what they would think of me and if it would change the way they view me. I know everyone always says “don’t care about what other people think,” but that’s easier said than done for me. It’s not that I want everyone to like me or anything, I just feel so damn insecure a lot of the time. I think it’s gotten a little better over time, but I’m still not at that point where I feel comfortable/secure with myself. And I still have no idea what to do…